why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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