i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
