After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
