My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
