dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
