if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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