i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
