I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
