watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
