thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
