Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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