I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
