I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
