I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
