I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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