Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
