I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
