Define "chronic" masturbator.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
