that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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