My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
