He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
