highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
