Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you will always have a special place in my vag
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
