Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
