I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
