I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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