If that was your dad, he is hot
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
