Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
