now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
