They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
