they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
