hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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