how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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