$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
