Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
