Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
