just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
3 2 1 whiskey
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
