I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
