i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
