Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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