that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
