it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
