i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
