Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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