Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
