so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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