she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
