he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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