i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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