I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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