I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
