it wasn't lemon gatorade
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
