Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish there were birth control emojis
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
