i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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